Tag Archives: pregnancy

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: My Experience Being Pregnant

Baby Layla sonogram, 20 weeks!

Being pregnant is truly something I will never take for granted. It’s an amazing phenomenon that is so natural and alien at the same time it’s hard to accurately give the feeling poetic justice.

Being pregnant changes the way you think and the way you view the world. I saw a definite gap in the fashion industry as far as maternity clothes goes. I have a new found respect for my own mom, and why moms do the things they do. I’ve had countless laughs with my husband over my ever-changing body shape. I’ve learned to embrace my waddle, and even sneak looks at magazines that report on things like baking cookies and gardening.

All in all, pregnancy is a chapter of my life I’ve really enjoyed. You have to look at it with a sense of humor, appreciation and awe. With the new year and my impending delivery right around the corner, here’s a few thoughts I put together as I reflect back on my last 36 weeks…

The good, the bad and the ugly: what I’ve learned about being pregnant:

Con: No alcohol. And no mocktails aren’t just as fun.

Pro: I have created life!

Con: Clothes and shoes don’t fit. Goodbye favorite jeans and sky-high stilettos. Hello sweatpants and flats.

Pro: People randomly being nice to you while staring at your baby bump. Be careful for the ones who want to touch your belly.

Con: Uncomfortableness. This is in direct proportion to your growing size.

Con: A pregnancy spanning four seasons is pricey. I’ve had to buy everything from a new bathing suit to a winter coat.

Pro: Watching the nurturing side of my 6’5″ husband surface. He has such a big heart. He keeps asking me “When do I get to meet her?”

My husband wearing the “empathy belly”

Pro: Watching my husband tackle rennovations to the nursery as a labor of love. He fixed walls, painted, added custom crown molding, built bookshelves and put in a closet door!

Con: I miss my Saturday liquid lunches and Sunday Fun Days.

Con: Fatigue and back pain.

Pro: Maternity leave!

Con: Coming back from maternity leave and sorting through everything I missed.

Winnie-the-Pooh cuteness!

Pro: Baby clothes shopping! Everything is so tiny and cute. Two of the first things I bought; a tutu and an Adidas track suit. I hope she has a great style range.

Pro: Seeing tons of tiny onesies hanging on a drying rack is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.

Pro: One couple, one registry, one gun, GO!

Con: No alcohol. Did I already mention that? One glass of red doesn’t cut it sometimes.

Pro: Planning the nursery. Includes all the things I love; design, colors and shopping!

Pro: Great excuse to sleep in as much as possible!

Pro: Catching my husband randomly go stand in the doorway of Layla’s room to just soak it all in.

Con: Weight gain.

Pro: Layla’s constant movement in my belly. It’s such a cool feeling!

Pro: Planning on running a race in June as part of my challenge to get back in shape.

Pro: Still going to the gym while pregnant has gotten me many compliments. Strangers have come up to me to tell me I inspire them. It’s a great feeling- and I thank them- because it inspires me right back.

Pro: My husband tells me to just rest and put my feet up. He is extra helpful around the house and I love him for it.

Con: Reading and learning about a lot of weird and gross things my body is going to do during delivery.

Pro: Rediscovering some of the baby and children’s books that I used to love; Dr. Suess, I Know an Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly, Goodnight moon, Superfudge, Madeline and so many more!


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How I Got My Groove Back

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, there’s a reason for that, and this is my therapy for it. At the end of February, I found out I was pregnant. Then I wasn’t, then I actually still was and then I had surgery and now I am pregnant again. That’s even exhausting to type.

My point though, is this; what I realized through all of this is that rediscovering the things in life that make you happy – friends, babies, fashion – can ultimately pull you back from the deepest darkness.

On May 15th, I was getting ready to go to a girlfriend’s baby shower. This event marks a turning point in my life for several reasons. First, in the weeks leading up to it, I was dreading going to this shower. Second, I decided to wear a new dress I had bought, make-up too, and realized that my old desire to be fabulous was back and I wanted to put effort into my outfit.  So how are these two things related and more importantly, how were they revolutionary for me? Well, let me back up a bit.

This past March, all the hopes and dreams of my first pregnancy evaporated quickly around my 5th week when the doctor announced the fertilized egg had embedded itself in my Fallopian tube – I had an ectopic pregnancy. To this day I don’t know how I made it out of the exam room. I jut know that my husband was suddenly by my side and that I was weighed down by an unbelievable sadness.

The simple medical solution of a drug that terminates rapid cell growth didn’t actually work for me. Ironically, on April Fool’s Day I collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital.  They discovered that the fertilized egg had kept on growing and had now burst my tube. It’s one of the most painful things you can experience, and I had a lot of internal bleeding. On top of the overwhelming sadness my husband and I felt for the loss of our first child, we now wondered if my tube would be beyond repair.

Emergency surgery was a blur. I know my amazing coworker and loving husband were by my side the whole time. My few days in the hospital were spent on morphine and thanks to that wonder drug, I could deal with everything. Apparently I could even answer work emails, or so I thought. Note to self: Do not answer work emails while on morphine.

Being home, alone, off morphine and recovering with nothing but time on my hands was hard. I had nothing to do but think about all the “what ifs” and I couldn’t stop relating everything to dates around the pregnancy. How many months before the due date that would have been, how many weeks along on this date, my first prenatal appointment on this date, etc. I actually went back to work early to keep my mind busy.

I went through all the stages of grief, but the hardest one to shake was the jealousy I had for all my friends. We’re all at the same stage in life where marriages and babies intersect and weekends are filled with some sort of gathering for someone. My anger at the world didn’t allow me to share my friend’s enthusiasm for their good fortune and then I felt bad for not being a good friend. My friend’s are amazing though, and they understood. I just needed space to grieve and heal.

And so, we’re back to that day in May, my turning point. As you all know, the power and artistic expression of fashion is always something that has made me happy, and I can talk about who wore what and when for hours. During this time period, where (sadly) I ignored my friend’s newborns and sent daggers in my mind to all the teen mom’s out there, I wanted to be in nothing but sweatpants and keep my head under my pillow.  I wanted nothing to do with spring or summer fashion – colorful wedges, nautical stripes or neon polish. I didn’t have much to say on Twitter or this blog.

But on May 15th, six weeks after my surgery, I was actually excited to be wearing my new Ted Baker dress and I felt OK walking into the baby shower. I had physically healed from surgery and felt some of my bitterness was going away.

The minute I walked in, however, I was immediately overwhelmed by the power of pregnancy. Literally everywhere I looked someone had a belly or had a baby. The emotions of my isolation hit me like a wall and I ran to the bathroom and lost it.

My girlfriend eventually snapped me back into reality. Not just from the moment, but from where I had been for the last few months. To summarize her words, she told me to pull it together and move forward. She was right. I hadn’t seen her newborn since January and she is one of my best friends. For the rest of the shower, I held babies and a smile stayed on my face.  So did the tears on my cheek, but they were different kind of tears. And then I got around to checking out what everyone was wearing. I had my groove back.

In another ironic twist, I found out later on that week that I was actually pregnant at that shower. No wonder my emotions were all over the place!

So it is now July, I am twelve weeks pregnant and I am discovering and enjoying a whole new world of fashion. It contains flip flop and flats instead of stilettos, and cotton and elastic instead of silk and tailoring. I’m on the hunt for the best pair of good butt maternity jeans (one item I would recommend paying a little extra for) and so thankful maxi dresses, leggings and tunics are in style.

I hope you’ll stay tuned to see how I dive into fall and winter fashion – well dive may not be the right word – more like yank and bend and stretch, as these are the moves necessary to get clothes on now. My must-have list for fall will be a little different this year; probably tall, flat boots and different colored DKNY cozy wraps. My winter list will probably include some baby OshKosh B’Gosh and Converse sneakers. 🙂

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